so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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