So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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