this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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