My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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