I skipped work to stalk him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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