He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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