and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
