I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
