I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we're so committed to being not committed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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