What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
