I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.