I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
