So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Life without a bra equals bliss.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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