You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
