PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
