we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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