i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
