so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
