Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
