Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
