You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
