I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
