dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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