I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
