Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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