So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
