i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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