Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
