Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
