I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
