I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
