Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
