there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
