my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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