glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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