I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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