Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
