I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
