god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
