You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
