I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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