we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
