we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
