I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
