her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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