First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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