i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
