so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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