I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize