And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
