Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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