So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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