I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ruined the universe
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
