Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
