I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
