Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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