Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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