I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
