So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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