maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
