His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
