he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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