Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
