im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
that may or may not have been my penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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