So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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