dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
