this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
