but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
