4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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