UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
