well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
