nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
