In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
