is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
