Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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