Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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