so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
